As many of you are aware, today marks the start of the 2017 Crossfit Games Open season. This is a time of celebration and collaboration throughout the worldwide crossfit community. We get together each week, for 5 weeks, and everyone completes a predetermined workout. There are standards set for those who can complete it as prescribed (we call this "Rx") and who have a goal to make it to the next level of Regionals or the Games.
For most of us, there comes a point during the Open when a standard is set that we can't possibly meet. It often comes middle way through, but sometimes it's the first workout that's announced. What is important to understand is that Crossfit allows anyone of any ability and strength to compete. No matter who you are, where you are, or what you're going through - there is a spot for you.
I debated long and hard about if I was going to participate in the Open this year. This was not because I didn't want to, but because I know myself well enough that it will be very difficult to not jump in with both feet. However, my current health challenges (more on that below) have me at a place that I have to take care of myself and not push the envelope at all right now. Energy is low, stamina is pretty non-existent, and I'm also still nursing a shoulder. With the reduction in nutrition lately, I have to be careful not to overly push myself. Can I trust myself to sign up for the Open and not push too hard? Can I be satisfied with modifying and scaling EVERYTHING? Will my heart feel full by participating when I'm not at my best?
After a long discussion with my head and heart, and waiting until the very last day, I hae decided YES. I am going to participate in the Open this year, because one of the reasons I continue to crossfit, continue to coach when I can, and continue to share is because there are people who don't believe they are capable of moving past the state they are currently in. They think they need to be lighter, stronger, "fitter" before they can start crossfit - or ANY exercise and health program. They see all the amazing athletes around them or in the world and think "that can never be me". I want them to know that ANYTHING is possible, no matter where you start. We are all capable of so much more than we think we are, and each day is a gift we have been given to do something good with! We must take care of ourselves in order to take care of those around us.
Wellness and self-care has become a priority for me this year, especially in the midst of the health struggles that have come up. Self care is not easy, and it comes in many forms. Rest, exercise, food, emotional support, etc. What is right for me is not necessarily right for anyone else. You have to find what that is for you. So....all of this to say yes, I'm in the Open and I will participate how I can. It will look different, and certainly won't look like a typical coach's performance :) but my heart will be Rx!
*Health update: My esophagram (i.e. barium swallow study) revealed the beginnings of Achalasia. We thought it was going in this direction, but weren't certain. I have a Manometry test scheduled for next week. This is one of the hardest tests I've ever done. They thread a 2' catheter down your nose and in to your esophagus down to your stomach. The catheter is lined with copper balls about every 1", and the test takes about 25 minutes. During the test you have to hold yourself from swallowing until instructed, and if you mess up the test you have to start over. It's extremely uncomfortable, and "painful" would be appropriate. Everyone with Achalasia agrees they hate this test. The results of this test are pretty diagnostic and will reveal 1) if I have finally developed Achalasia, and 2) what stage/type it may be (there are 3). We will then meet with my specialist in March to determine next steps. Until then, I will continue to fight maintaining proper nutrition levels and rest when I can. Some days are good, some days are really bad. But we press on!
Thursday, February 23, 2017
Monday, February 20, 2017
Keeping it real
I'm always a supporter of the idea that there are many "seasons" in life that come and go at times we don't expect. Some of the seasons bring lots of joy, happiness and inspiration. Other seasons bring struggle, fear and uncertainty.
There have been so many wonderful blessings each week due to the people in my life - friends, family, my little girl, and the man who has my heart. I've come to realize that every day is a gift, and we shouldn't take it for granted. When we get a moment to relax, be present, and observe the small wonders around us it has a profound impact on our well-being.
As much as I try to stay positive, optimistic, helpful, encouraging and the like....this "season" has been a struggle. My health has decided to play roulette so to speak. I never know what each day is going to feel like, and I just *hope* it's one of those days that will be good, full of energy, and positive. The esophageal dismotility has increased, which means that swallowing food and liquid hurt and don't work almost every time something goes into my mouth. For the last year as my medical team and I have uncovered what is going on, the symptoms have progressively gotten worse. I've trialed about 6 different medications this year and have found just one that provides small relief. The pain from the spasms has increased as well, and often leaves me curled up into a ball until it stops. I've learned to cope with all this, I try to ignore it when it happens, but some days I just want to stand up and say "Man, this seriously SUCKS and I just want to feel better."
I've had to take a break from training because I have gotten to the point where I am no longer able to intake as much food as I was for training. I have basically forced myself to eat/drink my prescribed amount of macros (protein/carbs/fat) each day, which was very painful and became such a source of stress that I had to take a step back and re-evaluate. Many people with my condition become malnourished, and I'm keeping a close eye on my weight each day to make sure that doesn't happen. However, I'd be lying to you if I said I wasn't worried about it a little. My body has adapted to be an athlete over the last few years, and to feel the muscles decrease, the energy deplete, and changes happen really sucks. I do believe this is a season, but I also believe it's going to stick around for a while until we can possibly have some surgery remedies to get better.
I miss my gym, I miss my community, I miss coaching. Those are things that FEED MY SOUL, and it's been a rough few weeks. I have hidden behind it because I don't want anyone to be put out because of the struggles. I don't want to ask for help, I don't want to admit I need help, and I don't want to acknowledge my body is sick. However....I'm beginning to lose connection to what I believe is a huge purpose of mine and that is encouraging others to reach their goals and dreams.
When we are faced with a hurdle in life, we have two choices - back away from it and hide, or press forward with everything we have because what is on the other side of that hurdle is our purpose, our joy, our dreams. When I chose to change my health for the rest of my life 6 years ago, and when I decided to become a coach 1 year ago, I was faced with uncertainty and things I couldn't control. It was HARD, but I wouldn't change a thing. It made me stronger inside so that I could help other people in the same situation as me that were scared to start their journey.
For the last few weeks I've felt like my journey was changing, and my heart was sad. Why do I have to be sick, why does this have to be so hard? What I've come to realize, and be reminded of, is that this is just a chapter in my journey book. The journey is not what it is without times of struggle and uncertainty. We can't give up, we can't loose the dream. We have to fight through it and lean on those who support us.
Thank you to everyone who just lets me keep it real, honest, and raw. Yes, it's been a hard few weeks (basically month), full of uncertainty. But I don't want to hide away, I want to just face it head on and do what i can each day. In the gym I may be slow, I may go light, but I'm there for me, for you, and for those who are too afraid to try. At home I may be tired, sluggish, and a little frustrated but I will continue to do my best each day to be a good mom, partner and friend. We all have our seasons, but we must recognize what's happening during those seasons so we can get to the other side.
There have been so many wonderful blessings each week due to the people in my life - friends, family, my little girl, and the man who has my heart. I've come to realize that every day is a gift, and we shouldn't take it for granted. When we get a moment to relax, be present, and observe the small wonders around us it has a profound impact on our well-being.
As much as I try to stay positive, optimistic, helpful, encouraging and the like....this "season" has been a struggle. My health has decided to play roulette so to speak. I never know what each day is going to feel like, and I just *hope* it's one of those days that will be good, full of energy, and positive. The esophageal dismotility has increased, which means that swallowing food and liquid hurt and don't work almost every time something goes into my mouth. For the last year as my medical team and I have uncovered what is going on, the symptoms have progressively gotten worse. I've trialed about 6 different medications this year and have found just one that provides small relief. The pain from the spasms has increased as well, and often leaves me curled up into a ball until it stops. I've learned to cope with all this, I try to ignore it when it happens, but some days I just want to stand up and say "Man, this seriously SUCKS and I just want to feel better."
I've had to take a break from training because I have gotten to the point where I am no longer able to intake as much food as I was for training. I have basically forced myself to eat/drink my prescribed amount of macros (protein/carbs/fat) each day, which was very painful and became such a source of stress that I had to take a step back and re-evaluate. Many people with my condition become malnourished, and I'm keeping a close eye on my weight each day to make sure that doesn't happen. However, I'd be lying to you if I said I wasn't worried about it a little. My body has adapted to be an athlete over the last few years, and to feel the muscles decrease, the energy deplete, and changes happen really sucks. I do believe this is a season, but I also believe it's going to stick around for a while until we can possibly have some surgery remedies to get better.
I miss my gym, I miss my community, I miss coaching. Those are things that FEED MY SOUL, and it's been a rough few weeks. I have hidden behind it because I don't want anyone to be put out because of the struggles. I don't want to ask for help, I don't want to admit I need help, and I don't want to acknowledge my body is sick. However....I'm beginning to lose connection to what I believe is a huge purpose of mine and that is encouraging others to reach their goals and dreams.
When we are faced with a hurdle in life, we have two choices - back away from it and hide, or press forward with everything we have because what is on the other side of that hurdle is our purpose, our joy, our dreams. When I chose to change my health for the rest of my life 6 years ago, and when I decided to become a coach 1 year ago, I was faced with uncertainty and things I couldn't control. It was HARD, but I wouldn't change a thing. It made me stronger inside so that I could help other people in the same situation as me that were scared to start their journey.
For the last few weeks I've felt like my journey was changing, and my heart was sad. Why do I have to be sick, why does this have to be so hard? What I've come to realize, and be reminded of, is that this is just a chapter in my journey book. The journey is not what it is without times of struggle and uncertainty. We can't give up, we can't loose the dream. We have to fight through it and lean on those who support us.
Thank you to everyone who just lets me keep it real, honest, and raw. Yes, it's been a hard few weeks (basically month), full of uncertainty. But I don't want to hide away, I want to just face it head on and do what i can each day. In the gym I may be slow, I may go light, but I'm there for me, for you, and for those who are too afraid to try. At home I may be tired, sluggish, and a little frustrated but I will continue to do my best each day to be a good mom, partner and friend. We all have our seasons, but we must recognize what's happening during those seasons so we can get to the other side.
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